February 22, 2007

Open Letter

Posted in *cringe*, Past, The WTF at 9:00 am by Dagny Taggart

To the Jersey Bastard:

You are clearly unhinged.  No, really.  We started out in the same town, where you were a volunteer firefighter finishing his undergraduate degree and thinking about becoming an officer in the military.  I was getting ready to go to law school.  Things seemed peachy.

Around our second dating anniversary, I started to notice some seriously sketchy behavior, and your insistence that we should have a threesome with a random chick became more than a minor annoyance.  Still, it wasn’t until I found the box of condoms with two missing that I decided I’d had enough.  I found out more than enough about what was going on to call you on your bullshit, and we continued what were at best halfhearted attempts to reconcile for a few more months, ending it all with a phone call on Labor Day.  In 2003.

So I’m not sure why you still send messages to the messaging program that I haven’t used since last summer.  Even then, I used it only to talk to a specific person, who is decidedly NOT you.  You’re not on my contacts list, and I know I haven’t replied.  So get help, fortheloveofdog! I know it’s tough to meet new people, but you’re going to have to try, because you’re one of the three people on this planet that I’m perfectly okay with never hearing from, or about, ever again.  I don’t hate you, I just think know my life is better without you in it, so I’m going to try to keep it that way.

Mmmkay?  Thanks.


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