July 23, 2007

A Losing Battle.

Posted in Present, The Funny, The Gnomes, The WTF at 8:51 am by Dagny Taggart

I need to contact my leasing office.  I think I have a gnome infestation.

I don’t know how else to explain the constant chaos that is my residence.  At one point, I’m fairly certain it was neat.  My clothes were hung up neatly, put away in the proper drawers.  My laundry baskets were empty, and stored in the closet until needed.  Dishes?  Clean, dry, in the cupboard.  I dusted, vaccuumed, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen weekly.

But now, it seems that if I leave something out of place at night, it’s doubly chaotic by the next morning.  My piles are multiplying, morphing into messy stacks.  Dishes are still clean, but now sit on the counter instead of in the cabinet.  Since I live alone, I am left to surmise the worst.  Gnomes.  Maybe even brownies.   I kind of wonder if they were left by the Mormon missionaries who stopped by, as punishment for my ever-expanding list of sins.

I tidied for several hours on Sunday, yet my room this morning resembles the aftermath of a visit from The Cat in the Hat.  Since this cannot possibly be my responsibility, or a sign that I might want to stay in every once in a while, I blame the gnomes.  Fortunately, since I do my laundry elsewhere, they haven’t yet made off with my socks, but I suspect it’s only a matter of time. 

I wonder how my superiors would react to a request for leave “for the purpose of gnome extermination”.



  1. vvk said,

    Are you sure you haven’t been feeding the Gremlins after midnight? or maybe giving them a bath?

  2. gn said,

    My philosophy: Messy stacks are OK as long as you know where everything is! (And as long as said stacks do not include anything edible and/or smelly.)

  3. vvk: Oh, I know better than that! I definitely suspect gnomes, not Gremlins. 🙂

    gn: I’m just afraid that the stacks will evolve into one giant pile! But yes, I definitely draw the line at edible/smelly. 😕

  4. Beach Bum said,

    Damn, so THAT’S what’s been going on with my place!

    My parents arrive in 3 days (ick, 3 days!) and my apartment right now looks like I’ve been robbed. Except after going through everything I owe the robbers decided not to take anything. And the didn’t even put it back in the right place.

    I hadn’t thought about gnomes though — that explains a lot. After all, how dare those robbers not want any of my stuff and just leave it all messy everywhere? Or maybe it’s the cat just messing with me — he’s probably having a party while I’m gone. Or he’s the one letting the gnomes in!

    (good to know I’m not the only one with that problem…)

  5. You could hire a maid. They really aren’t that expensive as long as the aren’t the sexy french kind.

  6. Whats up Dags,

    Yeah its me, the Moon. Look from one heavenly body to another, there’s no need to worry. What you’re going through is called a “phase”. Just a short lived departure from the norm is all. These phases aren’t usually dramatic and things tend to right themselves fairly quickly. Trust me, it’s the natural state of things.

    So if you don’t have any question…I’ll see you “a round”. 😉

  7. Beach Bum: I’m sure it’s the same thing. Your cat is probably rendered helpless to stop them somehow. Good luck getting the apartment ready for your parents!

    HYSL: Hm. Fascinating. Does the ordinary kind kill gnomes? 😉

    HBMS: Dang, that is a sweet Earth, you might say! 😀

  8. I’ve been guilty of this so far this summer. I hate having clutter…and yet, there it is.

    I need a maid. I come so close to justifying it and then I cave. I gotta get over it and just do it.

    And no, you can’t borrow my maid.

  9. gn said,

    I forgot to mention this earlier: I saw, in the window of a cheese shop/bakery in Philly, an 11-pound jar of Nutella. ELEVEN POUNDS! $90!

  10. INPY: I’m starting to suspect the gnomes think of themselves as artists, responsible for ensuring that my apartment appears as frenetic as my life. I’m not sure a maid will help. 😉

    gn: Approximately 2 days after I next have enough time to drive to Philly, none of my clothes will fit. I hold you entirely responsible. 😀

  11. joebec said,

    it can’t be the brownies, they are supposed to clean for you. it’s those pesky gnomes alright. i would start setting the traps out tonight before things get worse and they start eating your nutella!

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