October 11, 2007

Everything I Do Is Wrong

Posted in *cringe*, Nerdiness, The Funny, The Happy, The Just a Little Sad, the pretty, The Who, The Why at 8:35 am by Dagny Taggart

But thankfully, that’s just me.  

Alternate Title:   How NOT to Get Engaged.

Don’t do it six weeks after you met the person, for starters.  Definitely don’t do it less than three months into your freshman year of college.  Really don’t do it when you’ve lived most of your life controlled and sheltered by well-meaning, but overprotective parents, so you have no idea of how to be independent before latching onto another human being.

Don’t do it because he’s the first guy who’s interested in all of you – not just your 18-year-old physical self, but your brain and your heart.  Don’t do it just because he’s the first male non-relative with whom you’ve had all-night conversations every night for the first week since you met. 

Don’t do it when he tries to humiliate you in front of your mutual friends, to make himself seem like an alpha male who’s in control.  Don’t do it when he maybe gets a little pushy in arguments, and don’t do it just because he never actually closed his fist.

Don’t do it because he’s obviously beside himself to get to show you off.  Don’t do it when you realize that you come from completely different backgrounds/upbringings, because you think it would be boring to have developed the same goals and values.  Don’t do it because you’re both so terrified of being alone that you feel safer being miserable, together.

And really, REALLY.  Don’t ever, ever do it in a bowling alley.  Just take my word for that, please.


I know a fair amount about how not to do it. 

The great thing is that lately, I’ve been getting to see some wonderful examples of how it should be done, ways that are unquestionably the right way.  People who have figured out who they are, and then found each other, and developed an understanding of how they’ll work as a team.

Miss Andrist, best wishes for your upcoming nuptuals. And thank you, and your intended, for providing such an excellent example of how to do it the right way.  I’m so happy for you I could plotz!



  1. Beach Bum said,

    That makes two of us! I actually related the story to a couple of my coworkers today and they both went “awww” when I mentioned he did it on his birthday, and when questioned about it, he said “but that’s the only gift I want”

  2. freckledk said,

    Why not a bowling alley? I love bowling 😉

    Congrats to Miss Andrist!

  3. Dagny,

    You say:

    “Don’t do it when he tries to humiliate you… “

    I say: that is a sure sign that this man not only needs to find himself without an engagement; but he also needs to find himself minus one friend. One doesn’t do that sort of thing to strangers and one certainly should never ever do something like that to someone they are supposed to love.

    The good news is you discovered these things before it was too late. You are young and have plenty of time to be who you want to be. Do the things you like to do. Live the life you want to live. I’m guessing along the way a fellow will come along with whom there are no doubts. Someone who will love and cherish you always. Just take my advice and never settle for less than the best. After all, don’t you deserve the best?


  4. Virgle Kent said,

    Dear God Woman, I wouldn’t want your luck in such matters for a million bucks. But Spenceron the hills had the best tv proposel ever.

    To sum it up

    “you’re a cool chick, take this rock”

  5. Beach Bum: The best part, is that it was the perfect way to propose to Miss Andrist. 😀

    freckledk: Bowling? I’m down with that. Have my own shoes and everything. But I think perhaps it is not a venue designed for romanctic ambience. Maybe it’s just me 😉

    And I’ll convey your congrats, in case she doesn’t see them!

    Virgle Kent: Well, at least I’ve learned a lot. It’s kind of like having a car that breaks down all the time – you learn how to spot problems and fix them more quickly, or head them off before they become debilitating.

    Yes, I am female. And I use car analogies to explain relationships. So what?

  6. Hammer said,

    Bowling Alleys are an oft-maligned, oft-misunderstood venue. Prior to the complete Wal-Martization of the South, they essentially functioned as a town hall with rental shoes. (This is in contrast, of course, to the handful of actual town halls in the South where shoes are not even required.)

    Admittedly though, such a venue may not be ideal for proposals and such. Receptions maybe, but not proposals.

  7. vvk said,

    Dangy, I think you’re like me… we seem to learn everything the hard way.

    “… and don’t do it just because he never actually closed his fist.”

    grumble… mumble, mumble… grumble…

  8. Hammer: Is it wrong that this Jersey Girl would have preferred a diner? 😉

    vvk: Ah, yes. But at least I almost never make the same mistake twice. I AM, however, capable of seemingly endless, nearly imperceptible variations on a theme… 😉

  9. […] that I should probably just not touch anything, ever.   Because, as we’ve discussed, everything I do is wrong.  […]

  10. […] date, this means I’ve been proposed to in one bowling alley and one dive/karaoke […]

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