November 15, 2007

Closeted Gnomes

Posted in *cringe*, nutella, The Funny, The Gnomes, The WTF at 10:04 am by Dagny Taggart

Just in time for a new season filled with weekly doses of Tim Gunn, I’ve discovered another infestation.

They’re in my closet, this time.  And frankly, I’m not at all sure how they’re pulling this off.

Because I no longer own a scale, my clothes are generally the way I determine whether I’ve been eating/working out in an appropriate ratio.  And the gnomes?  Have clearly been messing with them.

My work pants all either fit perfectly well, or are slightly loose.  Except for one pair that, when I bought it last year, was loose.  Now?  They are snug.  

But they are the only pair.  Every other pair, even those that were tight-ish last year?  Loose or just right.  And unless I have more concrete evidence, I’m not giving up nutella for a pair of pants that’s trying to defy the laws of physics.

Either my closet, or my drycleaner, has an infestation. I’d buy a wretched scale, but:

(1)  What woman in her right mind sets herself up for her first weigh-in in 3 years, at Thanksgiving?

(2) Wouldn’t the gnomes just mess with that, too?

I think I might need to conduct an experiment, which of course would involve the purchase of new pants.   In the name of science, and all…



  1. Virgle Kent said,

    You know it’s funny, I noticed the same phenomenon with my Magnums….. wait what

  2. Alias Faux said,

    Hah, I tried magnums once, it just fell off..wait, what?

  3. Mr. Kent: Gnomes messing with prophylactics will not be tolerated.

    As I’ve said before, people should be having more sex, not less. Anything that interferes with that must be dealt with ASAP. 😮

    Alias Faux: Um, what, exactly, fell off? 😛

  4. I-66 said,

    Better to weigh yourself before Thanksgiving than after.

    How long would it take you to eat your own weight in nutella?

  5. Beach Bum said,

    Dagny, you have to add the “superlatives” application to your facebook account… I while ago I voted you “most likely to live for Nutella” (yep, had to create that one, somehow it wasn’t one of the defaults?). Or, of course, you can go to my page, scroll down and see your picture on the left, with that comment there.

    At least I know my friends 🙂

  6. Matt said,

    How about I get into your pants and we see what happens?


  7. I-66: That’s a good point, I think. Hm. well… let’s see. I’m pretty sure that would take at least 2 years, at roughly double my current consumption rate.

    Yes, I do have self-control. 😛

    Beach Bum: And poof! It will be added. And yes, you do. 😀

    Matt: Or, OR, I could just give up Nutella. 😛

  8. Handsome Boy Modeling School said,

    I think I saw a Gnome on PRW last night. He was all that is terrifying…but his stitching was to-die-for

    AND hopefully “The Pants” version 2.0 weren’t affected.

  9. vvk said,

    See… your weight can’t fluctuate that much. There simply isn’t that much there to fluctuate…

  10. Lisa said,

    If it’s only one pair of pants, then I’m going to blame it on the dry-cleaning you probably had done before putting them away for the season. ONE pair of pants does not a gnome infestation make. Nor does it warrant the weighing of self. Or the giving up of Nutella. That’s just my two pounds. I mean cents.

  11. HBMS: I suspect he is actually a Troll, after which the Troll Dolls were fashioned. At least, judging by the hair. 😉

    the Pants 2.0 are just a hair on the loose side, thankfully.

    vvk: Good answer! Good answer! (the Family Feud studio audience goes wild…) 😀

    Lisa: Well, it’s just odd that of three pairs in regular rotation, two that were snug, are loose, and one that was loose, is borderline unwearably snug. But perhaps the dry-cleaners are to blame, after all. I hope! 🙂

    (clutches jar of Nutella protectively)

  12. D-Man said,

    Good one, I have these all the guys all the time, but they are usually taking my keys, wallet or cellphone.

  13. Jon said,

    I’m laughing too hard (at both the post and the comments) to have anything witty to add, but I have to say great post today 🙂

  14. D-Man: Don’t even get me started on what they did to my Razr. The poor thing never recovered.

    Jon: Always glad to amuse and entertain, even if most of the credit does belong to the comments! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: