February 25, 2009
I got nothin’
I really, really wish I could go back in time and inhabit the body of my 5-year-old self so that when my mother told me that I might not always want what I thought I wanted then, I wouldn’t be quite so infuriated at the condescension and presumption that emanated from her words.
Because she was right! I hate it when that happens.
A fairly presumptuous ex-boyfriend once said that he knew two things about me that would always be true – I’d always drink whiskey sours, and I’d always smoke Marlboro Lights.
I haven’t had either in … eight years?
But I guess what I don’t understand, and might envy a little, is the absolute certainty with which some people state their life goals. How can you possibly know that you will always want something? I think it’s possible to make that a goal (I see marriage as an agreement to do everything you can to make sure you want each other for the rest of your lives), but I don’t know that there’s anything I could guarantee I’d want forever.
Which has led to two problems – one, a lack of ambition. If you’re not sure that you’ll still want something in the long run, is it really worth putting that much effort into it now?
And two, a serious case of indecision.
So how do I get past this, and figure out maybe one or two things that I’m allowed to want forever?