February 26, 2009

TMI Thursday: Something out of Sweet Valley High

Posted in *cringe* at 8:45 am by Dagny Taggart

Do we have TMI here?  Oh, I think we might.

By some standards, I was a late bloomer.  That is to say, it was the spring of my junior year of high school, and I’d managed not to lose anything of importance just yet.  Well, unless one counts dignity, but I think we all know that’s not what I”m talking about here.  To be honest, I’d only dated two people, and the first had lasted all of three weeks, in that way that high school “relationships” do.

So, I was dating a new Boy, Boyfriend the Second.  And knowingly being the focus of someone’s attraction was still a relatively new phenomenon.  I wasn’t sure what all the rules were, but I definitely knew a few things:

1)  My house was within walking distance of school.
2)  My dad would not be home until 6 pm.
3)  Dr. Taggart usually left the house to hold office hours before class, around 3.
4)  These things were all conducive to making out for a little while before I had to start dinner.

So an invitation was extended, a tour of the (empty) house commenced, and ended in my room.  He hadn’t managed much more than a few kisses and a line or two from whatever angsty, overwrought poem he was working on at the time, when I heard a small thunk from the direction of the driveway.  And then the door opening.

I don’t know what she’d forgotten, but there she was.  In the House.  And the boy’s moped (yes, I have a long and fraught history of dating absurd characters) was outside – no way to hide him. 

“You came over to borrow a CD” I hissed.  “Grab something and follow me downstairs!”

Stopping only to make sure my clothes were straight, I ran down the stairs, willing my complexion to stay pale.  Which it would have done, except that when we delivered our cover story, Dr. Taggart glanced down at the CD in the boy’s hands.


Not my Pink Floyd double album, not Phish’s ” A Picture of Nectar”, or even my freaking Tori Amos albums.  No, he’d taken the soundtrack to The Little Mermaid, which I’d put in a pile of CD’s to give to my ten-year-old cousin.

With faces as red as Ariel’s hair, he mumbled something about a sick little sister, and I said something about seeing him at school sometime.  Dr. Taggart just stood there, looking at me.  Quietly.  Too Quietly.

I slunk upstairs, certain that I’d have no need of a chastity belt until I was thirty-five, at least.  The boy and I didn’t date much after that, and I found a boyfriend at another school who was blissfully ignorant of the incident – something I couldn’t say for my classmates.

Thanks, Boy.

Although, come to think of it, I think Dr. Taggart did me a favor.  Given the boy’s propensity for gossip, this story might have been even more embarrassing, in retrospect, had she *not* come home that afternoon.

**Thanks, DCBlogs, for the link to yesterday’s post!**


  1. I-66 said,

    Hey hey hey, some people like Under the Sea.

  2. LiLu said,

    Now I have “gadgets and gizmos a plenty…” revolving in my head.

    Love it!

  3. justjp said,

    I just had this image of getting singing French crabs. I think something may be wrong with my brain.

  4. I-66: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    LiLu: Glad you like it! I hope the earworm’s not too annoying…

    justjp: That? Is hilarious. Which means there may be something wrong with *my* brain as well. But… wasn’t the crab from the Carribean? It’s been a while…

  5. Kevin said,

    See? See? This is a story you can tell your own children (names changed to protect the innocent, of course) to illustrate that no matter how hard they try to pull one over on you, they’ll most likely do something stupid and get caught. And then you can show them how much you care by following the Dr’s lead knowing there’s nothing worse than the punishments a teenager can come up with in their own mind.

    Oh, and the Little Mermaid? One of the sexiest Disney cartoons.


  6. Lisa said,

    Hahahahahahahaha! And in the moment, wrath of mom, ouch ouch ouch. That must’ve been brutal. The GOOD news is multifold, including the fact that you didn’t do anything particularly gossip-worthy with a gossip. And it would’ve felt a whole lot worse if he’d been someone who was actually interested in the Little Mermaid.

  7. Kevin: Well, that’s an upside I hadn’t thought of. As for prurient interest in the Little Mermaid herself, I can’t say that I see it, but to each their own!

    Lisa: It… wasn’t fun. Though I have to say, it scared the bejeezus out of me enough so that I didn’t try anything like that again, so it served its purpose. And yes – it was a lot easier to handle gossip about what I wouldn’t do, than it probably would have been about what I could have done. Whew!

  8. […] Dagny Taggart’s TMI Thursday: Something Out of Sweet Valley High […]

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