March 11, 2009

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying Eating Muffins

Posted in *cringe*, nutella, The Round, The WTF at 9:56 am by Dagny Taggart

Thin Me:  slightly muffled, as is contained within Not-So-Much Me (NSMM).  Let’s go shopping for healthy food – fruit, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein.  It’ll be great to have guilt-free food around!

NSMM:  If we must.  But I refuse to deal with shoddy produce.

Thin Me:  Okay – to Shoppers we go, then!  Cheap AND a high enough turnover that the produce is usually pretty good.

NSMM:  Muahahaha.

Thin Me:  What was that?

NSMM:  Oh, nothing! Contemplates Shoppers’ selection of tasty, tasty softball-sized muffins, some of them filled with custard or raspberry jam, located in an aisle that one HAS to go through in order to get to the lean proteins in question.

Thin Me:  Okay – baby carrots, bananas, pears, broccoli, snow peas… that’s good for a few days!  On to the turkey!

NSMM:  Oh, but look here!  The Muffin Stand!  What an awesome smell – the french vanilla muffins look particularly tasty.  And they have blueberry!  Don’t you know someone who likes blueberry?  It would be really nice of you to pick one up.

Thin Me:  No!  That’s pure sugar and carbohydrates.  They’re the size of softballs!  Not on the plan!  And we’re both trying to stay in shape!

NSMM:  Oh, come on – we both work out a lot, and it’s just a muffin.  Seriously, you’re here, and the muffins are really fresh.  You’ve been really good lately – reward yourself!

Thin Me:  Sigh.  Well, I’ll get the blueberry one, but only because I know it will be appreciated. 

NSMM:  Ah, come on.  You wouldn’t let someone eat carbs alone, would you?  A Dr. Strangelove-style struggle ensues, during which our heroine fails to control the rebellious NSMM arm, as it sneaks a custard-filled french vanilla muffin into bag.  See?  That wasn’t so hard!

Thin Me:  Fine.  Just…. fine.  But I have to stop by CVS to get my allergy meds, and we are NOT getting any Cadbury Eggs!

NSMM:  sarcastically Oooookay.  sotto voce: Because you’re so obviously capable of standing up to me.



  1. I-66 said,

    Mmmm… Cadbury Eggs…

    Wait. That’s not helping, is it?

  2. Jo said,

    Nick and I (after a lengthy discussion on how we’re going to eat very healthy) went to the grocery store hungry. Never EVER go to the grocery store hungry.

  3. Lisa said,

    I LOVE Peter Sellers and I love that film, although on recent rewatch, it did go on a bit.

    Also, I don’t trust people who cut out carbs entirely. It’s no way to live. NSMM (or rather, NSMY, since I’m writing this) did you a wee favor.

  4. I-66: No, not so much. But I concur – mmmm.

    Jo: An invaluable tip (I speak from experience, here).

    Lisa: For me, it’s actually a really dull movie punctuated with bits of hilarity. As for the carbs, I agree that they shouldn’t be cut out entirely, but a muffin filled with custard might be considered excessive, no? 🙂

  5. Belle said,

    Damn Shoppers and their strategically-placed baked goods!

    I really do have to speed through there like I’m a horse with blinders on. (Otherwise, I’m afraid, I’ll end up resembling the aforementioned horse…)

  6. i have a hard time saying no to people… and when i say people i mean myself…
    willpower…i haz none..

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