March 12, 2009

TMI Thursday: Happy Easter!

Posted in *cringe* at 8:19 am by Dagny Taggart

Ah, for today’s TMI:

To bring everyone up to speed:

I was engaged for a little while in college, to a guy (who we’ll call Snoopy) who owned a grape purple Phoenix Suns sweatsuit (hooded sweatshirt AND sweatpants with the logo on them) and a black Phoenix Suns Starter jacket.  It was not uncommon for him to wear all three of these items at the same time.  In public.

The remaining details of that relationship could likely make their own TMI, but a little digging can produce those for you.  Today is actually about someone else.

Snoopy’s family lived about ninety minutes from campus.  I went to a state school that didn’t acknowledge religious holidays like Easter with pleasant things like long weekends, and since my family was a day’s drive away, to the prospective in-laws’ place we went.  Snoopy’s aunt, uncle, and two cousins were there, as well.  His mom had set up a buffet dinner on their kitchen island, and we all circled around it in our Easter finery – I was wearing my favorite adorable sundress – a flowy, empire-waisted coral number with a large floral print, that came to a couple inches above my knees.  At 5’11”, that meant that about 80% of my thighs were still covered.

The back of the sundress was apparently too long for Snoopy’s uncle, who was directly behind me in line.  He lifted the back of it up just enough to pinch my posterior.  I was so shocked, I – accidentally, of course – stepped backward, my heel digging into Uncle’s foot.  When he exclaimed in pain, I turned around and apologized, saying (loudly), “Oh, I’m sorry.  I was just so startled when your hand slipped up my skirt, I stumbled.”  His wife, in line right behind him, pretended not to hear – impressive, as I used my Jersey voice.

Uncle muttered something about having tripped, and being sorry.  And the rest of the family moved on as though nothing happened*… until Uncle & Co. were getting ready to leave.  As she turned to walk towards their car, Aunt said, to Prospective Mother-in-Law, “She seems sweet, but she really shouldn’t dress like a streetwalker if she doesn’t want the attention.”*

Good times, good times. 

*Almost better than that was Prospective Mother-in-Law’s advice after everyone had left:  “Well, I never wear skirts when he comes over.  He does that all the time, and Aunt gets so bitchy when it happens.  I’d just wear pants if he’s going to be here, if I were you.”
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10 Comments »

  1. I-66 said,

    I realize this is not the focus of this entry, but I had no idea the guy wore all that. Where were your friends on that one?

  2. LiLu said,

    I honestly can’t imagine why it didn’t work out with him… how on EARTH did you break up with the family?

  3. Wow. What is wrong with these people? My GF told me she went out with a guy whose friend grabbed her boob in a bar, like it was perfectly normal behavior.

    I’m surprised your BF didn’t make a big deal about it. If that was me, whoever did that would have a REALLY bad day.

  4. I-66: Well, as it was a rather speedy engagement during my freshman year of college, I didn’t really have any girlfriends close enough to be critical until after the damage was done. Once we broke up, however, there was much discussion of the finer points of People I Should Not Be Dating.

    LiLu: Shocking, isn’t it? Even more surprising is how much responsibility his family had for the breakup.

    HIN: There’s definitely a certain type of person who thinks that such behavior is perfectly appropriate, and that anyone who objects is “uptight”. I’d call it the Good Old Boys’ Club, but I know a few women who are Personal Space Invaders as well.

    As for my ex, I think he took his cues from the “actual” adults in the room. We were nineteen, and it was his uncle. I’d definitely expect more from someone now, though.

  5. Lisa said,

    Nooooooooooooooooooooo! I am so proud of you for saying that, and for announcing it in your Jersey voice! What a slimebag. And Uncle Icky’s wife – so in denial!

  6. Jen said,

    Oh my god! That’s insane. Why would anyone let their husband get away with that? I’m sure the dress was really cute and appropriate…unlike someone’s uncle!

  7. k8 said,

    I would have just cried. But then again, I’m a pussy.

  8. A Different Jen said,

    Ahhhh, good old Snoopy. As one of those girls who didn’t become critical girlfriends until well after the damage was done, I can admit that I remember optimistically thinking: “she seems normal, but maybe she *likes* white guys who attempt to pull off a bad imitation of early 90’s gansta rapper.”

    And then I thought…(wait for it, wait for it)…

    “After all, she’s from NJ…”

  9. Lisa: The thing is, I don’t think she was in denial – she knew that her husband had done it, she just thought that I “deserved” it. Ugh!

    Jen: Ya know, even if it wasn’t that cute or appropriate of a dress – the guy’s wife and kids were behind him in line! I just don’t get people.

    k8: I might have done that, but I *really* didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction.

    A Different Jen: Owe. Mah. Gawd. This from a native of the Land of Lamé!

    You know I adore you. And honestly, I don’t really have an argument to make, here. 😳

  10. i kinda wish had a JERSEY Voice …for just such occasions…
    which i reallly thought were limited to the metro @ rush hour
    xoxo


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