March 27, 2009

Invariably

Posted in *cringe* at 7:54 am by Dagny Taggart

I do a certain number of annoying, or stupid, or both, things during the day.  Some of these only happen once, so I try to get them out of the way as quickly as possible.

The best example of this is a seriously froggy/Phyllis-Diller-esque first sentence.  Allergies make my throat all sore and cloggy overnight, so I sound Rather Peculiar, until I get my vocal cords going.  I sometimes talk to myself as I’m getting ready, to speed the process along.  If I forget, I’ll be answering a call at work or saying hello to my boss and just as the dreaded:

CHKEELLOOOO

escapes my mouth, I’m kicking myself for not having properly prepared.

I bump into at least one thing per day.  It seems to help if I do this before I leave the house, because then I am generally more aware for the rest of the day, thanks to the giant bruise taking up residence (usually mid-thigh, where doorknobs and table corners take aim).  If not, I have experienced all manner of embarrasing moments, including public faceplants, walking into glass doors, and giant trips that make it seem as though I was mid-(failing)-audition for the Joffrey.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no way to escape the dreaded Idiotic Utterance.  Forcing something out prematurely doesn’t work, probably because those things have been Thought About, and a Stupid Thing is what happens when I speak, generally several hours before actual thought begins.  This is also my least favorite thing, as there can be several hours between the Utterance and Realization.

Like, oh, if, for example, one realized one had been repeatedly, and mechanically (due, perhaps, to a series of 11-hour days and lack of sleep), calling someone by the wrong (but closely related to the actual) name during a morning meeting.  Someone that one had worked with for over a year, say.  And one realized it at, oh, three in the afternoon, when another meeting attendee emailed one to point out the error.

Sigh.  At least I don’t smell like urine.

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4 Comments »

  1. Lisa said,

    Oh, honey. It’s terrible to have one of those “at least I don’t smell like urine” days. I feel you, and I know the chkeeeeellllooooo so very well! This is the start of bad bad allergy season, as you know. Blossoms, so pretty, so throat-clogging.

    (Hypo-allergenic) hugs and tissues to you!

  2. vvk said,

    I’m very familiar with the delayed Realization… occasionally with insane delays. I’ll sometimes relive conversations I’ve had *years* ago, and think, I should have said X instead of Y… and then think “Wait, this conversations was 10 years ago. How the hell can I remember the conversation verbatim, when I can’t remember who I spoke with yesterday??!!?”

    Oh well.

  3. ME said,

    If it’s any help yesterday I sat before a room full of illegal immigrants and their attorneys and displayed a most extrodinary lack of knowledge of immigration laws. After doing it for 3 years one should know what section of the code says that a person who carries a gun illegally must remain detained. I however did not know the code section. As the judge waited for what seemed like forever I rummaged through the stupid code book and somehow my ability to even read the English language faded. Really I think standing before the court naked would have been less humiliating. Ahhhh well. Luckily it’s Friday!:-)

  4. Lisa: Indeed – fortunately, most of the pretty things don’t bother me – it’s the less attractive pollens (oak, birch, beech) that snorkle me. And thank goodness for tissues with lotion!

    vvk: Oh, I definitely have those haunting moments, too. As if humiliating myself on a daily basis wasn’t enough, I now get to relive past idiocies. Whee! 😉

    ME: First-year disease, all over again! Ugh. How annoying! And frankly, I think standing before the court naked would likely have gotten you admiration and appreciation, not humiliation.

    And yes, luckily, it’s Friday! 😀


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