April 13, 2009

Everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.

Posted in Nerdiness, nutella, The Why at 9:01 am by Dagny Taggart

The book is even better than the movie.  I know you won’t believe me.  Especially because The Princess Bride is an objectively good movie.  I don’t trust people who didn’t enjoy it at all – I can only think of one other litmus test* that is applied with such ease and accuracy – and this one’s probably a little simpler to work into conversation.

But I digress.  This all comes up because of taxes, and how much I hate them.  I refuse to hire someone – my life is simply not sufficiently complicated to require the aid of a professional in preparing two tax returns once a year.  W-2s, interest statements, etc.  Take the number from one piece of paper, enter it into the computer program, and let the program tell me I’ve already paid, how much I’m going to pay, and maybe, if I’m lucky, who that FICA guy is and why he’s getting so much of my money.

But not being willing to hire someone and not being willing to BRIBE someone are two very different things.  I’m thinking that next year, I might just cast about and see what the going rate is for a few hours of reckoning. 

Provided I don’t have to pay in Nutella.  A certain someone’s extorted me of my entire supply.

*The other, in case you’re curious, is whether the person will “give up” in miniature golf when there is no one playing the course behind you.  People who give up in miniature golf (which, you know, is FUN) aren’t about to stick around when an actual relationship gets difficult.


  1. I love the book. It’s hilarious. I’m staying away from the sequel, though — no good can come of it.

    I do my taxes the old fashioned way — paper & pencil & abacus.

  2. Lisa said,

    For years I paid someone, because emotionally and math and stress-wise I simply cannot handle it. This year, like a gift from heaven, I have a husband who is anal enough to have done them both early. Otherwise I’d fork out the cash in a heartbeat, I hate it so much.

  3. I feel you on the tax issue – though I am not one to say that I hate paying them (I actually believe that speel about taxes being the price for free society.) I certainly hate doing them, however.

    And there are few better negative measures of character than someone who dislikes the Princess Bride.

  4. f.B said,

    I haven’t gone to a professional for tax advice yet. So far, so good. But I have a feeling this will change next year. Maybe then I’ll bring a copy of The Princess Bride and bribe them?

  5. Lusty Reader said,

    i SERIOULSY adored the book, and have never met anyone else who has read it! the last time i read it was 10 years ago and i remember being totally weirded out about this one part, right after they tumble down the hill the author says something like “i didn’t put their reunion scene in the book, but i have it written separately. if you are interested in reading it pelase send me $5 (or some other small amount) and i will mail it to you.”

    did i make that up?

  6. Malnurtured Snay: Huh. I really thought the whole sequel thing was a joke. Kind of like History of the World, Part I.

    Lisa: I could get Dr. Taggart to do it, but that would engender an entirely different set of issues.

    Restaurant Refugee: I don’t object to taxes on some level, but the process is well into the heartland of absurd. My employer(s) take taxes out every paycheck. Why is it so hard for that to be the right amount?

    f.B.: Well, that would certainly be an effective bribe for some people.

    Lusty Reader: I think you are remembering that more or less correctly – though I don’t know of anyone who actually sent in the $$.

  7. Hammer said,

    This is almost too easy, but…

    “Speel” is actually “spiel.” I’m not sure it means what he thinks it means.

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