April 20, 2009

Are you serious?

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:40 am by Dagny Taggart

Before I begin, I’d like to ask anyone with a smidgen of extra happiness/good karma to send it over here.  Feel free to use the following jar, creatively depicted by Edward Monkton.


Now that the important things have been addressed, let’s talk to the gentleman (a term used loosely) whose disapproval of his fellow Orange Line riders drove him to battery.


As someone who is also of above-average height, I frequently take up a position in the center of the train car, because it is a decidedly minor inconvenience for me to grab the bar that runs along the car ceiling.  This morning, however, I was privileged to find a seat that allowed me to store my large bag out of the way of my fellow commuters, and thus, I had a spectacular view of your outburst.

You see, the car was actually quite full by the time you got on the train, and the center of the car was occupied by a number of personages who were struggling to keep from embarrassing personal space invasions.  But you, you were having none of that.  First, you shouted at everyone to move towards the center of the car – despite the fact that people were already attempting to do so.  And then, when the movement had not occurred to an extent which YOU, the apparent authority on Metro Passenger Positioning, found acceptable, you elected to push your way through the people at the door into the remaining 1/4 square foot of space in the aisle.  Which, I suppose, was your prerogative, as was being completely rude and petulant about the whole situation.

What was not your prerogative, and what has forever branded you as a complete asshole in my eyes, is the manner in which you brandished your briefcase during this episode, so that you smacked several fellow passengers in the head and gave at least one cause to wonder if her kidney had been punctured.

Should I see you again, on a rainy day, I will consider it fully within my rights to “accidentally” cause my umbrella to find the end of its full length somewhere at, or just behind, your genitals.  Consider yourself on notice.





  1. Beach Bum said,

    Now don’t you wish you actually had a way to send that letter to him? Stupid commuters who have no consideration for other commuters.

  2. Maybe the motherfucker needs to wake up earlier so he can take a non-rush hour train. In any case, sounds like he probably deserved a punch in the face.

  3. Mike said,

    This reminds me of a guy I accidentally bumped on a Metro escalator several years ago. I apologized quickly, but he decided to follow me down the platform and deliberatly shoulder check me three times in the next couple of minutes. Some people are complete assholes, especially when it involves any sort of minor inconvenience.

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