May 21, 2009

RHoNJ

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:52 am by Dagny Taggart

And so, it has come to this.  The land of milk and honey has produced something both awesome and terrifying – a reality show, set in the town where I attended high school.  

Of course, it’s actually set in the teensy tiny portion of the town inhabited by the absurdly wealthy.  Overall, the county is not all that different from Fairfax County – mostly middle to upper middle class, sprinkled with tiny pockets of actual wealth.  At least some of these women seem to have a reasonable amount of money at their disposal, though I’ve heard rumors about public records indicating that for some, the giant hoop earrings are gold-plated.

Terri grew up in Paterson, which is actually kind of hardcore, and makes me a little afraid of her.  She knows a little something about not having a whole lot, which makes me think that she’s someone you don’t want to piss off.  The ones who truly understand what they have to lose, are the ones you don’t want to cross.  So, I’ll refrain from saying anything about how her desire to make her entire family match, and her house that is going to be a monument to tackiness, are fairly typical nouveau riche (read:  declassé) attempts to porcelain veneer your family into upper middle class conformity, and will simply say instead that I think it’s kind of cute that she and her husband grew up together and are still together.

Jacqueline?  Jackie got on my bad side right away – armpit of the world?  Lady, you need to do two things – one, remember that you used to live in Vegas, which has a maximum 48-hour shelf life for most people, and two, get bigger hair.  Also, it might be wise to rethink your friendship with george hamilton Danielle, as she is more than a little crazy.  But this is about you, and your daughter, who seems intent on portraying herself in the worst light possible – she might want to work on that.

Dina.  The name Dina conveys pretty much everything you need to know about this woman, whom I kind of respect and think I might want to be friends with, were I sufficiently Italian to be accepted into her circle.  Anyone who can work in a nicely detailed movie reference gets some props in my book – and I also appreciate the fact that she thought the reconciliation was over the top.  She seems secure and confident, and that tends to make one a lot less tolerant of needless drama.

Danielle:  Um.  Wow.  Well, let’s say that I hope I’m in that kind of shape when I’m in the general vicinity of my fiftieth birthday.  Also, let’s hope that my skin evidences a far higher sunscreen consumption than hers.  Also, let’s hope I never, ever say something about needing someone to rescue me financially.  Also, let’s hope I never talk about the phone sex I am or am not having when I’m on a reality show that will undoubtedly be discussed in front of my two relatively young daughters.  And, let’s hope that I’m not so grasping and desperate to be included in a group of people that I take every opportunity to insert myself into other people’s events.

I’m ninety percent sure that there is next to nothing that is likable about that woman. 

Caroline:  She actually does remind me of my friends’ moms, growing up.  I suspect that she and Dr. Taggart would either get along famously, or kill each other.  She also scares me most of all, so I’m just going to say that anyone who gets on her bad side is incredibly brave, incredibly stupid, or both.

As for what’s happened so far?  It’s been a lot of stage-setting.  But honestly, I find these women (with the exception of Danielle) a lot easier to understand than most of the other housewives.  I think that compared to the original Orange County show cast, these women are much more comfortable with who they are – even if they’re not going to be comfortable, or happy, with each other all the time.

This?  This is going to be FUN.

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4 Comments »

  1. Velvet said,

    YAY!
    I do love this show. I was reading the television without pity boards for most of last week. I love Teresa, I think she’s hilarious. I would be friend with her and Dina in a heartbeat. Wait. I am friends with them…they just have different names and live up on the NY border. But they tawk the same! I can’t believe there are only 6 episodes. Damn it! I want more!

  2. LiLu said,

    I just set my DVR to catch up.

    I am excited.

  3. isnt paterson like THE WORST!!

  4. Velvet: I will say that I think the show does a decent job of differentiating the NJ accent from the Bronx accent that many associate with the entire tri-state area. Jersey girls have their own special charm!

    I’m *sure* there will be another season. Well, that is, unless Uncle Rico stops by for a visit. Heh.

    LiLu: As you should be! It’s the best of the guilty pleasures.

    mr condescending: Well, it *does* have its own unique flair – including some out-of-this-world Eastern European food on the Clifton border. But, ya know – it’s not like I want a summer home there or anything.


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