July 31, 2009

What it really comes down to…

Posted in 8-ball - pool not narcotics, Darth Vaguer, Guilt, Past, Present, Project: Fail, The Happy, The Just a Little Sad, The Why at 7:49 am by Dagny Taggart

Is spending time on the people who haven’t screwed me over.

We’re all busy – I’m not nearly as busy as some of the people I know, but I feel busy all the time.

I think it was about two years ago, that I got into a heated email exchange with someone.  This had become a pretty regular occurrence for us – I couldn’t help but get sucked in, every time.  For myriad reasons, we always seemed to wind up frustrating, and sometimes hurting, each other. 

The difference this time, was that I was visiting Sibling.  I was visiting Sibling and so caught up, so aggravated by this argument, that I wasn’t enjoying my time with her – or letting her enjoy our time together.  And she lost it.

A good friend of mine recently said that she thought I had a much higher tolerance for bullshit than most.  While I don’t think that it’s permanently impacted our friendship in a negative way, I can point to a friendship or two that probably suffered as a result.  And I can understand that.  If you had to sit there and feel ignored as you watched someone spend all of his or her energy on people who treated them badly, you’d probably write them off after a while, too.

So, the thing is… I don’t wish bad things on anyone.  In fact, I hope everyone I’ve ever met is more happy than not, because everyone benefits when that’s the case.  But what it really comes down to is, I don’t have time for everyone.  So the people who are going to get the time I do have?  Are going to be the ones who, at a bare minimum, haven’t done anything to make me think they don’t deserve it.



  1. Brian said,

    One of the most profound things I learned in grad school had nothing to do with the material being presented at the time. A professor said, almost in passing, that “time is a reflection of our priorities.”

    Granted, this is a paraphrase of a common thought, but it really struck me (largely because, as you put it, I felt really busy at the time). It prompted a couple of changes, most importantly a more-regular visit with my closest friends.

    It’s always good when we can break away a little from the whole squeaky-wheel syndrome, which is what your description sounds like. Quiet wheels are more rewarding, and don’t hurt your ears. Or anything else.

  2. Alias Faux said,


    That’s damn good advice, and some I’ll take with me. Thanks for that.

  3. Lisa said,

    I don’t know if you have had a higher bullshit tolerance or if you were trained to tolerate/cater to/appease crazy-makers who will happily suck your time and energy? Whatever the deal, I’m glad you’ve shifted your energy focus. There’s just so little time, after work and other obligations, to spend life in the ways you choose to.

  4. feels kinda liberating…doesnt it???!

  5. Brian: The “squeaky wheel” metaphor is a good one.

    Lisa: Probably a little of both, to be honest. And I’m glad, too.

    suicide_blond: Oh, definitely!

  6. Chairman Mao said,


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