October 20, 2009

Other people’s choices

Posted in Advice I have no business giving, Darth Vaguer, Project: Fail, The Aaaarrrghhhhh!, The Angry, The Just a Little Sad, The Small and Petty, The WTF at 10:52 am by Dagny Taggart

“If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.” – Margaret Thatcher

If you look around… I mean, really, really LOOK, you see it everywhere.  And I, for one, have never been so grateful for my penchant to sit back and observe, because I feel like I’ve just been handed a HUGE life lesson – one that, while mildly uncomfortable, could have been accompanied by far worse consequences if I’d learned it the way I do everything else.¹

I was officially gobsmacked this Saturday – and that’s not a word I use lightly (or ever before, to my knowledge), but there’s no other word that so accurately depicts my involuntary reaction to what transpired.  I believed that things were one way, and was working towards improving a situation based on those assumptions – assumptions that had been bolstered by the assurances of the parties involved.

The thing about parties involved?  They can… prevaricate.  Obfuscate.  Evade.  Until they slip up, and are found out, which leads us back to the gobsmackedness. 

In other news, your author can be incredibly naive, but has decided she’d rather be naive than cynical, and the actions of others are not a particularly good reason to start suspecting everyone.

In other, other news, I am also a lot more judgemental than I thought.  Because when examining the choices of parties involved, I found myself thinking poorly of them not just for the prevarication, obfuscation, and evasion – but also for the impetus behind those actions.  Really?  That’s the thing you’re willing to trade your integrity for?  And if it was worth all of that… wouldn’t you want to stand up for it, to advocate?

I have been extremely conflict-avoidant for a good portion of my life – when one grows up in a household where dissidence is verboten, one learns to lie at an early age – to give the answers most likely to please, rather than speak one’s true thoughts.  Having seen where that leads as an adult, I can say that I’d rather be yelled at or ostracized for my point of view, than be a coward about who I am.

¹The hard way, of course.



  1. Carla said,

    “…I’d rather be yelled at or ostracized for my point of view, than be a coward about who I am.”

    That’s exactly how I feel about things (as you have obviously been able to guess by now).

    Sounds like it was a tough weekend, and as always, I am more than willing to lend an ear if you need to rant and vent — god knows I’ve had my share of venting.

  2. vvk said,

    “… has decided she’d rather be naive than cynical…”


    It’s a hard choice, but it’s the right one.

    • Alias Faux said,

      vvk is absolutely, 100% correct.

  3. Carla said,

    Too weird that my comment came out as “carla” not as Beach Bum. Teaches me for signing up to wordpress…

  4. Lisa said,

    I’d rather be criticized for my point of view than be a coward as well. And I am very curious to know…

  5. Carla: Thanks for the offer. I confess, I was probably close to the angriest I’ve ever been for a little while there, but have managed to find some perspective since. And now you’re not assigned one of the automatic monster icons! You get your pretty photo!

    vvk: I suspected as much, since the right choices are rarely the easy ones. 🙂

    Alias Faux: He has a tendency to be that way.

    Lisa: I have a sneaking suspicion that your endless reserves of integrity may render you incapable of cowardice (except maybe when it comes to household pests, who are impervious to integrity 😉 ).

  6. […] there’s the situation.  The one that I’ve been alluding to for weeks now, and can’t really get into more […]

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