October 30, 2009

Oh, the irony.

Posted in Guilt, Project: Fail, The Aaaarrrghhhhh!, The Just a Little Sad, The Why, The WTF at 7:16 am by Dagny Taggart

I called Sibling Extraoridinare yesterday, hoping to wish Things One and Two a happy Birthday, but they were at day care whilst Sibling Extraordinaire (S.E., for pete’s sake) prepared her house for their birthday party, which is this Saturday.  Their birthday party, to which she has invited both sets of grandparents, our cousin (who has two little ones of her own), and a number of friends S.E. has made through various parenting groups.  And me.

I told her shortly after she proposed the idea, a couple of months ago, that I wouldn’t be coming up for the party.  First of all, it’s not like the twins are going to have significant memories of their second birthday party – so it’s not like they’ll be affronted if I don’t show.  Second, um.  Let’s take a look at that guest list (which I originally thought included other family members of whom I am not so fond).

I would be the sole unmarried and childless person in attendance over the age of 7. 

Anyway, S.E. told me that she was really hurt by the fact that I wasn’t coming.  That it made her view me in a different light.

S.E. also told me that my godparents, who have been fixtures at our Thanksgiving table for as long as I can remember, have decided not to come this year, and that Dr. Taggart is really upset by this.  And S.E. said that she’d gently tried to point out that perhaps my godparents really wanted to spend the holiday with their daughter and granddaughter, who are hosting the day for the daughter’s in-laws, this year.  And S.E. said that she thought this was a reasonable thing to want.

So it’s a reasonable thing for my godparents to want to spend Thanksgiving with their daughter and granddaughter, but it’s not a reasonable thing for me to want to spend Halloween with friends, rather than drive seven hours total to be at a children’s birthday party where I would be the only non-parent adult in attendance?  At least, it’s unreasonable enough for that decision to change the way someone sees me for the negative?

Good to know, I suppose.



  1. AliasFaux said,

    How often does S.E. (although, maybe the name bears reconsideration in light of recent events) visit God’s backyard (a.k.a the 703)?

  2. Alias Faux: Not terribly often, what with the twins and all. And that hasn’t really bothered me, because she’s busy and she has her own life and she wouldn’t be happy living mine, even if it were only for a short while. I kind of feel like she doesn’t understand that the same thing applies to me.

  3. Brian said,

    It’s not that you aren’t attending the celebration, but rather that you are organizing a satellite celebration, down here, with a different (larger) guest list, so to better commemorate the occasion.

    But really, it’s kind of like when someone calls and gives you advice that you know for certain they wouldn’t take themselves.

    What if you look at her differently now because she looks at you differently? And then she looks at you differently still, because you look at her differently because she looks at you differently. And then you…

  4. Meghan said,

    It’s been my experience that some dear friends and close family members lose the perspective of The Single Person once they’ve been married for a while and procreated. My closest friend was angry when I left my godson’s birthday early (I’d been there THREE HOURS and watched all cake cutting and present openings) for a night out with friends.

    I think both us singles and the marrieds need to find some understanding and perspective somewhere in the middle.

    Give her some time to cool off and maybe try explaining your side of things again.

  5. LiLu said,

    Weird. I view Thanksgiving as much more of a family holiday, whereas Halloween is definitely more of a time for getting drunk with friends. Just me?

  6. Jen said,

    Hm. It might not be so much the fact that you didn’t go, but the reasons you gave for it. Honest (and frankly, downright obvious to ANYONE who is not currently the stressed-out super mom of 2 year old twins) though your reasons may be, a simple “I wish I could, but I’ve already made other plans” may have gone over better.

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