November 23, 2009


Posted in *cringe*, Grief, Guilt, The WTF at 9:57 am by Dagny Taggart

My office line has rung quite a few times in the past several weeks.  Work’s been pretty busy, and that’s a good thing – though I could have done without the 2.5-hour chat with our general counsel first thing on a Friday morning.

My parents have called a few times – they’re planning a trip to the area in a few weeks, to see what I’ve done with my abode and to check out some of the museums.  Anyone know of a good, non-chain restaurant in the Dupontish area where the food is American or Italian (maybe slightly nicer than Pizzeria Paradiso, and not Tabard Inn, because they’ve been there already)?

Notably, S.E. has not called.  Under normal circumstances, we’d be speaking at least once weekly – and if I didn’t call her, she’d call me.  I’ve sent her a couple of emails, because I assumed she was busy and that at least she’d be able to respond at her convenience.  But I haven’t felt like calling her was my place – like she’d call when she was ready to be normal again, and I suppose she’s not.  It hurts.  And it’s pissing me off.

Because when I called to wish the twins a happy birthday, the call where she told me that she was really bothered by the fact that I wasn’t coming up for the twins’ birthday party, that she felt I was rejecting a chance to share in her life… I felt judged

When she asked, “So, what are you doing this weekend”, I heard, “So what reason could you possibly give that would be good enough to warrant not coming to the party?”  And I felt as though my plans, as much as I was looking forward to them, wouldn’t be a good enough answer for her.  As though confessing my decision to dress up in a hilarious (and yes, skimpy) costume and hang out with a very entertaining group of people (I had a fantastic time) would only make things worse.

The impression that I got was that she resented me for not choosing to make myself miserable.  That doing something for her should have superseded what might actually make me happy.  Granted, that’s just my impression.  But she hasn’t called.

And I really, really don’t want to get to a place where I think that maybe that’s a good thing.



  1. LiLu said,

    I’d try Circa or Tomate, as far as restaurants go. I’m sorry SE’s still nagging you about the party… don’t feel guilty! It’s your life, and it sounds like you’re just trying to balance EVERYTHING. She needs to understand that.

  2. Carla said,

    I like both Tomate and Sette (both Italian — they’re basically across from each other on Connecticut Av).

    In regards to your sister, give her time. But if in a couple of weeks she still hasn’t turned around, call her. Don’t let it be one of those things that years later you’re still not talking to each other because neither of you wanted to be the first one to pick up the phone.

  3. Julie said,

    Otellos! It’s on CT just south of Dupont Circle, it’s good and reasonably priced and I’ve never had a problem getting a table. It’s not fancy, but they have great bread.

  4. Jen said,

    I love it. I’m reading a description of sibling rivalry in its truest form. It’s not enough that she made a mountain out of a molehill when you chose alcohol and flesh over toddlers and ice cream. Now you need to make a mountain out of a molehill because she doesn’t like that you chose alcohol and flesh over her toddlers and ice cream.

    Sisters get pissed off at each other sometimes. Sometimes a lot more than sometimes. But at the end of the day, you are sisters, and you love each other anyway. Give her a call, ask her how the damn party was, and if she throws you a hissy, then go out and buy your niece and nephew the most obnoxious, loudest, messiest, Christmas gifts that money can buy. Because that’s REALLY what sisters are for.

  5. Jen said,

    Oh, and PS – from one sister to another. Never ever ever ever EVER tell, hint, intimate or in any other possible way imply to any mother, any where, that any occasion celebrating the miracle that is the birth of her children could in any way ever even remotely possibly cause you to feel an emotion that in any way resembles the word “miserable.” Ever.

  6. LiLu: Thanks for the recommendations! It’s not so much that she’s nagging, as she’s giving me the silent treatment, but hopefully she’ll thaw out soon.

    Carla: That’s two for Tomate! And I’m definitely calling her to wish her a happy Thanksgiving at least, so hopefully that will get things going.

    Julie: Oooh! A restaurant named after an obscure game to which almost no one knows the rules! Or is that Othello? Either way, good bread is always an important factor…

    Jen: Of course, I didn’t say anything along those lines to my sister. At the time, I just told her that I wouldn’t be able to make it.

    While this might be typical interaction for most siblings, S.E. and I had what a lot of people thought was an unusually close bond for a long time, and this wasn’t something that happened between us until more recently, so it’s taking some adjustment. Thanks for the perspective.

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