November 23, 2009
My office line has rung quite a few times in the past several weeks. Work’s been pretty busy, and that’s a good thing – though I could have done without the 2.5-hour chat with our general counsel first thing on a Friday morning.
My parents have called a few times – they’re planning a trip to the area in a few weeks, to see what I’ve done with my abode and to check out some of the museums. Anyone know of a good, non-chain restaurant in the Dupontish area where the food is American or Italian (maybe slightly nicer than Pizzeria Paradiso, and not Tabard Inn, because they’ve been there already)?
Notably, S.E. has not called. Under normal circumstances, we’d be speaking at least once weekly – and if I didn’t call her, she’d call me. I’ve sent her a couple of emails, because I assumed she was busy and that at least she’d be able to respond at her convenience. But I haven’t felt like calling her was my place – like she’d call when she was ready to be normal again, and I suppose she’s not. It hurts. And it’s pissing me off.
Because when I called to wish the twins a happy birthday, the call where she told me that she was really bothered by the fact that I wasn’t coming up for the twins’ birthday party, that she felt I was rejecting a chance to share in her life… I felt judged.
When she asked, “So, what are you doing this weekend”, I heard, “So what reason could you possibly give that would be good enough to warrant not coming to the party?” And I felt as though my plans, as much as I was looking forward to them, wouldn’t be a good enough answer for her. As though confessing my decision to dress up in a hilarious (and yes, skimpy) costume and hang out with a very entertaining group of people (I had a fantastic time) would only make things worse.
The impression that I got was that she resented me for not choosing to make myself miserable. That doing something for her should have superseded what might actually make me happy. Granted, that’s just my impression. But she hasn’t called.
And I really, really don’t want to get to a place where I think that maybe that’s a good thing.