January 26, 2010


Posted in *cringe*, But I am... le sick, Darth Vaguer, Guilt, Project: Fail, The Round at 11:02 am by Dagny Taggart

I get it.  If you’re frustrated with me, you have two choices.  One, you can tell me that you’re frustrated with me, and you can be honest about it, and you can hurt my feelings.

Or, you can deal with the frustrating things over and over again, and not say anything, and resent me.

And if we’re the kind of people who are supposed to be able to talk to each other about things, I definitely want you to choose the first option, I really do.

But if, towards the end of that conversation, you have reason to believe that I’m feeling pretty awful about things?

It wouldn’t kill you to give me a hug, or a word or two of encouragement.

I’m just sayin’.



  1. David said,

    There are ways to raise a frustration without confronting it head on. It bugs me to hear people chew over the phone; I just dislike the sound. If I say this to you directly, it comes off as an attack. If I instead tell you that it bugs me that whenever I call John he’s often chewing and the sound bugs me, you know not to chew on the phone with me even though I haven’t attacked you.

    Your message that reassurance and caring is more important, I just wanted to throw out there that there are more than two ways to attack this.

  2. Lemon Gloria said,

    Oh, hugs to you sweetie. I’m sorry for whatever’s going on that’s made you feel bad.

  3. Brian said,

    I will send virutal hugs and just point out that whatever frustrations may/may not exist, none of that changes the fact that you are way, WAY above the average overall. Keep that in mind, please. 🙂

    I’m with David: frustration does not absolve one of the need for thoughtfulness and tact. And hugs. Preferably, although not always, in that order.

  4. I too would posit that the two positions are not the only options in the spectrum. The notion of fighting fairly rest heavily upon two adults ability to discuss things in a civilized manner and not present their case as ad hominem attack. It is not an innate skill for everyone, but those lacking it (beyond the age of thinking a Long Island Iced Tea is a reasonable drink choice) is a red flag for me.

    Like everyone else, I am sending big e-hugs your way and hoping that this, whatever this is, passes soon.

  5. David: That’s definitely another way to handle certain kinds of confrontations – though I suspect that some are sufficiently obtuse to not realize when someone is trying to send them a message.

    Lemon Gloria: Thanks. This, too, shall pass.

    Brian: Flattery will get you… well, it’ll get you a good-sized smile, at the very least. Thanks!

    Right. Hugs are essential!

    restaurant refugee: I agree with you that the need to resort to ad hominem attack is a flag to be watched; however, it is possible that a master of internalization, such as myself, could read such sentiments into arguments that may only hint at character assassination. And, thank you.

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