February 3, 2010
That’s the thing we should all have more of, really.
That feeling? That the person you’re talking to will pretty much always be on your side and assume that you’re coming from a good place? That’s what we should strive for with the people we keep close to us.
And maybe you’re all like, “Duh.”
Or maybe you’re all like, “Oh, I had cloying for breakfast. Leaving now!”
And that’s fine, I suppose.
I think some people, at least, get this feeling from their parents, first. Because parents are supposed to tell you when you’ve messed up, and how to not mess up the next time, but some parents manage to do that without making you feel like a bad person. They treat these things as mistakes, as things you simply didn’t think of. Other parents don’t really focus on the whys of your actions, or might openly assume that you’re the sort of person who would deliberately try to make their lives more difficult.
So you go through life trying to hide the bad bits, the parts responsible for things you suspect might be less accepted in your society. You’re so used to people looking for flaws, that it’s hard to let anyone in to where they might see them.
And if you don’t have the kind of relationship where you just know that someone knows you’re a good person, if you don’t know that they think that of you, any criticism they utter is going to be that much harder to take. Because anything they say might mean that in addition to being a bit lazy from time to time, they also suspect you eat babies for profit.
If, say, you’re also adept at reading lots of extra into things.
But I have a theory – and that theory, is that we can have more of these people who think the best of us… if we trust them to think the best of us. Maybe it’s not just being awesome and hoping that someone will come along and see it. Maybe it’s being awesome, and expecting that they already do.
Which is a hilariously terrifying suggestion.