March 3, 2010

Oral examination of gratuitous equines not recommended

Posted in Darth Vaguer, Nerdiness, Project: Fail, The Aaaarrrghhhhh!, The Angry, The Small and Petty, The Why, The WTF at 9:24 am by Dagny Taggart

I once told SE that I would never run.

Granted, I was pushing a size 16 at the time, and had no muscle tone, three inhalers, and was injected biweekly in an attempt to keep my allergy symptoms from putting me in a bubble.

But I still told her I wouldn’t run.  And I didn’t WANT to run, at all.  I wanted to be thinner, but I wanted it to happen magically.  I had no desire to be more fit – just to be thin enough to fit in and not get teased for maybe one whole day straight.  I thought that if I were thin, I could pull that off- so long as I didn’t actually say anything.

And one day, I got motivated.  It wasn’t the best motivation, but that didn’t change the fact that the end result was still better for me than what I’d been doing.  I started working out, in an effort to drop a little more weight.  And that worked.

Same thing with quitting smoking.  I didn’t WANT to quit for the longest time, despite knowing that I should, and that lots of people wanted me to.  I enjoyed the f*ck out of smoking for a while there, and I wasn’t motivated in the least to do anything about it.

And then again, borne out of perhaps not the best of intentions, I quit smoking.  I hung on to whatever motivation I could find, whether it was the best reason or not, and I made it work for me until the motivation didn’t matter anymore, because I’d achieved my goal and I wasn’t looking back.

So there’s this thing that I’ve been unhappy about, the place I spend a lot of time and don’t write about here, directly.  I’ve been really unhappy with that.  And I’ve discovered some reasons to do something about it.  They may make me small and petty and vindictive and bitchy, but they make me want to do something about it.

So I’m going to grab ahold of this motivation and do something.  Because eventually, the motivation won’t matter – not if I do it right.  Eventually, I’ll be better off.  And eventually, I’ll find some other reason to keep doing it, and I’ll be good at it.

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3 Comments »

  1. Brian said,

    Daaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnn, that motivation looks good on you.

    (who says it has to be reserved for shopping for clothes? Nobody, that’s who.)

    Motivation for major change is hard to come by, so you take it where you can get it. Sometimes, “Machiavellian” can be a good thing…

  2. Lemon Gloria said,

    Agree with Brian entirely. Take the motivation where you find it. Really, it’s all about you changing in ways you want to change anyway.

  3. vvk said,

    I agree… who cares where the motivation came from… if you’re doing something positive, for silly reasons, you’re still doing something positive.


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