May 24, 2010

Sweet Gum Tree

Posted in *cringe*, I need a helmet, Project: Fail, The Aaaarrrghhhhh!, The Ouch, The Where at 8:21 am by Dagny Taggart

This.  This is why Dr. Taggart *really* warned me about going to school in “The South”.  Of course, it didn’t happen until I’d been out of school for a while and had decided to make my stay more permanent.

See, where I’m from, we don’t have anything called a “sweet gum” tree.  Our trees?  Would cringe in embarrassment at such a moniker.  They are called things like Oak.  And Elm.  And Beech.  And Birch, who is forever trying to prove how manly it is.  Maple gets a pass for having a “fancy”, two-syllable name, but only because of its delicious, delicious syrup.

And to a point, they still drop pollen and annoying little propeller things or wormy-looking flower things everywhere.  But they do not drop little balls of evil (called gumballs, though they are not sugary or tasty or anything you’d ever want to put in your mouth)  all over everything:

Little balls of evil that coat the walkways and grassy areas of your condo complex.  So that when you’re carrying something heavy to the trash area, in the dark, you might step on them.  And they might roll.  And you might falls, possibly partially under the heavy THING you were carrying, ONTO MORE STUPID GUMBALL THINGS.

And then you might wind up with several deep bruises, roughly the size and shape of the stupid little gumball things.  Except, of course, that one spot on your hip, where you fell on several of them that had gotten stuck together, so you have a 3-4 gumball-sized bruise.

It might have seemed like Dr. Taggart was talking about cultural differences and the inability to find really good Italian or rye bread, or the extent to which I’d miss a salt bagel with Taylor ham and cheese, but I now understand that this is what she meant.

Beware the sweetgum tree, and all of its Yankee-attacking booby-trapping-ness.

Ow.

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2 Comments »

  1. Lemon Gloria said,

    Yikes. That would suck big time in the sucky falling on sharp pointy things category. I didn’t know what they were called! Except for the fact that they are your enemy, I love those trees. I love those spiky little balls! I always plan to collect them and I don’t know, make something like a Christmas wreath or something but of course it never happens.

  2. Lemon Gloria: Heh. Oh, yes. Rob them of their evil and their dignity, and sprinkle them with pink! Glitter!

    It seems a fitting punishment, somehow. (owie)


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