July 19, 2010

Zen? Zen. Zen what? Zen we take care of ourselves.

Posted in *cringe*, I need a helmet, Nerdiness, Project: Fail, The Happy, The Just a Little Sad, the pretty, The Round, The Why at 8:42 am by Dagny Taggart

You might think that a hyperindulgent weekend would result in one feeling terrible on Monday.  You might think that six women in a condo 500 feet from tax-free outlet stores and .5 miles from a cocoa-centric spa would result in excessive purchases of clothing that would refuse to button the following week.

You might be wrong.

I’d been apprehensive about the weekend – I tend to feel gargantuan around most of my female friends anyway, as I am 3.5″ taller than the next tallest (who, it might be noted, wears clothes 3 full sizes smaller than mine), and they are all athletic and gorgeous.  Not to mention smart and funny.  Lovely and intimidating.

Also, I’d never been to a spa before.  I signed up for one of the packages, thinking that the people who put these things together probably know a thing or two about producing enjoyable spa experiences.  And we’ll talk more about the “rain shower” another time.  But the massage?  The massage induced the most blissfully languid epiphany:

I want to take care of myself.

I’ve had this body for kind of a while now, and I’ve hated it since I was six.  For a while, I hated it passively, making it sit around on couches while I fed it all manner of junk food.  Then I hated it slightly more actively, engaging in mild exercise while swearing off almost all foods, save a bizarre ritualized assortment of things I consumed only when alone.  Then I hated it more damagingly, partaking of “tiny little flaming sticks of death” on a regular basis.  And then I hated it a litte more responsibly, working out 4-5 times a week and eating more healthfully than I ever had before (though that’s not saying much).  But I’ve never not hated it. 

At least, not until somewhere in the middle of that massage, when it occurred to me that I didn’t.  For at least 3 minutes, I not only didn’t hate it, but I loved it, and wanted to take care of it, rather than beat it into submission. 

And this morning, I slept for an extra 45 minutes and neglected to put sugar in my tea.  I also cringed at a few photographs from the weekend.

Baby steps.

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3 Comments »

  1. vvk said,

    *YIPPY!*

    and also, *hugs*… 🙂

  2. Lemon Gloria said,

    I love this. This sounds like wonderful happy happy going in the best direction news.

  3. Alias Faux said,

    Best post on this blog ever.


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