A.I.

April 25, 2007

A.I.

On one of the glass-topped Target coffee tables in my apartment rests a green faux-leather finish scrapbook, compiled by the Sibling Extraordinaire after I completed my undergraduate adventures.  The last few pages, depicting my matriculation from hell law school, were added later.  Fortunately for me, these pages serve to remind me of something I haven’t seen in several years.

My natural hair color.

It’s a perfectly serviceable shade of medium/dark blond (depending on whom you ask), and it suits my Dutch/Polish heritage well.  It also serves as an excellent excuse for the not-infrequent lapses in common sense I’ve been known to experience.  The following have all been come to light  in the past six months, my current shade of auburn notwithstanding:

Apparently, microwaves and other electronic appliances come with a clear plastic film that covers the keypad, which one is supposed to remove during the unpacking process.  For the past… 3 years?  I’ve been thinking that the keypad on my microwave was peeling off.  Nope.  Just the protective covering.  Underneath the bubbling and peeling layer was a beautifully preserved panel.

If your fancy wine opener doesn’t seem to be getting the job done?  See if maybe the manufacturer switched to a screw-top design.   Better yet, take a look before things get that far, lest you frustratedly hand the entire assembly to your guest, who then starts laughing too hard to unscrew the cap for you.

The strange little buttons on your doorknob assembly are not there to decorate your jamb.  Rather, they serve the handy purpose of allowing you to disable the self-locking feature, which means that you do not, in fact, have to panic about the location of your keys each time you set foot outside your apartment.

The trunk of your car does not have such a feature.

One wonders if my camouflaged tresses are too deceptive?  Perhaps I should wear a sign.

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