April 25, 2007

A.I.

Posted in *cringe*, The Funny at 7:59 am by Dagny Taggart

On one of the glass-topped Target coffee tables in my apartment rests a green faux-leather finish scrapbook, compiled by the Sibling Extraordinaire after I completed my undergraduate adventures.  The last few pages, depicting my matriculation from hell law school, were added later.  Fortunately for me, these pages serve to remind me of something I haven’t seen in several years.

My natural hair color.

It’s a perfectly serviceable shade of medium/dark blond (depending on whom you ask), and it suits my Dutch/Polish heritage well.  It also serves as an excellent excuse for the not-infrequent lapses in common sense I’ve been known to experience.  The following have all been come to light  in the past six months, my current shade of auburn notwithstanding:

Apparently, microwaves and other electronic appliances come with a clear plastic film that covers the keypad, which one is supposed to remove during the unpacking process.  For the past… 3 years?  I’ve been thinking that the keypad on my microwave was peeling off.  Nope.  Just the protective covering.  Underneath the bubbling and peeling layer was a beautifully preserved panel.

If your fancy wine opener doesn’t seem to be getting the job done?  See if maybe the manufacturer switched to a screw-top design.   Better yet, take a look before things get that far, lest you frustratedly hand the entire assembly to your guest, who then starts laughing too hard to unscrew the cap for you.

The strange little buttons on your doorknob assembly are not there to decorate your jamb.  Rather, they serve the handy purpose of allowing you to disable the self-locking feature, which means that you do not, in fact, have to panic about the location of your keys each time you set foot outside your apartment.

The trunk of your car does not have such a feature.

One wonders if my camouflaged tresses are too deceptive?  Perhaps I should wear a sign.

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16 Comments »

  1. I loved this post. My sister is blonde and her father is Polish…we say she’s twice cursed.

    I dig the Auburn, btw.

  2. Martin said,

    It no doubt serves the stereotype for me to say that I just do not see you as a blonde at all. Even when I saw your original Gchat picture, it just looked…off. I think the darker hair colors suit you much better.

  3. My blonde friend once parked her convertible a few spaces behind someone with an identical car. She dropped off some mail at the post office and got back inside what she thought was her car and was trying to start it for about 30 seconds before the real owner came and asked her what she was doing.

  4. INPY: As I say fairly often – as a blond, Polish, lawyer from New Jersey, I’ve got four strikes against me…

    Martin: Thanks, I think! 😉

    HIN: Well, at least I’m not alone. Thanks for making me feel better. 🙂

  5. Dagny; I think you just struck out the side with those four…but who’s counting?

  6. LMNt said,

    Wait. You mean you didn’t take the shipping protectors off of your microwave?!?!?!? In three years?!?!?!!!

    I have no arguments with your blondeness now.

  7. INPY: At least I’m efficient, right? 😉

    LMNt: *hangs head in shame* 😳

  8. carrie m said,

    oh I hate those kinds of doors. I’ve locked myself out too many times with that door.

    And I’m a brunette. No excuse.

  9. Kristin said,

    Laughing too hard to comment…

  10. vvk said,

    I tried to go blond once… the bleach failed me. Even leaving it in for more than twice the maximum recommended limit didn’t help. I guess I have to come up with another excuse.

    Also, to people who leave that protective film on things, stop that. It annoys me.

  11. carrie m: well, now i’m thinking that maybe we should blame whomever made that door. Hmph!

    kristen: Happy to amuse! 😀

    vvk: I’ll try to desist. If I had known the film was there, I would have taken it off long ago. It just never occurred to me! 😕

  12. Martin said,

    Oh, it was a compliment! Maybe I buy into the whole “blondes are dumb” thing on some instinctive level, but I definitely had some disconnect between the blonde hair and your obvious intellectual prowess. 🙂

  13. Is that the word we’re using? Efficient? OK. Yes, Dagny. You’re EXTREMELY efficient. Will you be singing I’m A Barbie Girl at Karaoke? Will you if I pay your bartab? Please?

    😉

  14. KassyK said,

    I love your color now and when you were dark and I am sure you are a gorgeous blonde as well.

    As a natural blonde myself who has been red and now brunette, I know how bizarre it is to see yourself in so many different ways and yet not be completely sure which one is “you”. 🙂

  15. Martin: There are some who would argue the apparence of my intellect, but the compliment is much appreciated!

    INPY: I was going to go with Dusty Springfield, but… I may have to reconsider. 😀

    KassyK: Thank you! It’s kind of fun to try on different versions sometimes, isn’t it? 😀

  16. Lisa said,

    Can totally relate – I learned recently that a lot of things have those keypad covers. As I’ve gotten older my hair has gotten darker, but my skin is just as pale, so I’m stuck as a blonde for good. I tried brown and it made my skin look flat and awful. Red brings out all my freckles. And blonde, turns out, suits both my coloring and my personality. In many, many ways.


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