June 29, 2010
One of us is going to Vegas this summer. Twice, actually.
It never fails that when one forges ahead and makes plans to spend a long weekend in Vegas with spectacularly wonderful company, that roughly an hour after one buys that plane ticket, one will find out that one’s pool team is, in fact…
going to the show.
Awww yeah, baby. I’ll be doing some winning with this, I think.
June 28, 2010
While it is perfectly okay for people to be upfront about horror stories and major concerns about parenthood at a baby shower, being open about one’s lack of desire to partake will most likely have people thinking that something is wrong/missing for you.
Also, if you are building something from Ikea, and have leftover parts at some point prior to being completely finished, just be prepared to undo everything you’ve done so far, because you likely skipped a step.
Pretty much every comedian I’ve ever seen on a recorded special will have been slightly funnier in that special than in person. Jim Gaffigan, however, came closest to closing this gap.
Sometimes, things can seem like the Most Fun and Best Idea Ever. And then three weeks later, with the help of a little critical thinking, you will realize that not only was it not the best idea ever, but it was ridiculously dumb and boy howdy, you expect better of yourself.
Watched pool league operators never call to let you know if you’re going to Vegas or not. I still don’t know.
June 24, 2010
“Out of the frying pan and into the fire,” shouted the count, burning himself badly.
If you’re not happy with your situation, you have three main options. You can do absolutely nothing and continue on the Path of Unhappy. You can do something about your situation to make it better. Or, you can remove yourself from that situation entirely.
But you cannot do any two of these things simultaneously, and have an real hope of success. For example, if you quit your job, you cannot also hope to have some positive influence on the way the job is, after you’ve left. You cannot do nothing, and hope to make changes happen. And since removing yourself is, by definition, doing something, you can’t do nothing and remove at the same time.
So my advice is to think about it for as long as you need, but then pick one, and stick with it.
June 23, 2010
“Look, if you’re in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch, or find something useful to do.”
“I could do that. I got some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.”
“That does put a damper on our relationship.”
It’s safe now. The explosion has passed, thanks to the powers of catharsis and excellent musical suggestions from my friendly neighborhood gas pump. So, thanks for that.
I spent 23-24 hours in a pool hall last weekend, attempting to win a free trip to Vegas for me and my team. We’d almost locked it up the first day, but couldn’t quite close, and had to come back the second. After some hard-fought battles, we made it to the final round, where we ran into a team that wound up having some issues.
We were up 2 matches after the first 2 matches – so we had three more chances to win the last match we needed to get to go. I lost – which wasn’t entirely unexpected, and was a strategic move (playing me enabled my team to put up some higher skill level players). And then something became readily apparent.
The other team’s players were sandbaggers. All but one of them were blatantly under-ranked. And the last one? The one who won the last match to enable his team to come back and win the round? Nobody who legitimately holds the rank next to his name on the scoresheet can play as well as he did. And the referees saw.
And so, we mentioned it to the local league authority. Who then talked to the team, and couldn’t get a straight answer out of any of them about, well, anything. They claimed that some of them weren’t legally able to travel, so they couldn’t field a full team in Vegas. And then they said never mind, they’d rent a van and drive there, if they couldn’t get on a plane. And then, they admitted that their last player could probably be ranked at least two levels higher than what the scoresheet said.
Except, that if you go up two or more levels in this kind of tournament, your team gets disqualified.
Basically, every member of that team was playing dirty pool. And so now, we’re waiting to hear whether the national HQ for the league is going to disqualify them and give us the slot for Vegas, or, well… not.
I hate waiting.
June 21, 2010
Don’t ever think about me again. Don’t ever think about anything that might lead you to think about me again.
Don’t come here and read what I write.
Don’t talk to people I know, and mention my name in an artfully casual manner, just to see what they might have to say.
While we’re at it, don’t say my name at all.
There has been a strong correlation between how much better my life has gotten, with less of you in it. Statisticians be damned, I’m going to go with causation on that one – so stay the fuck away.
You will never, ever, have the foggiest notion of what is actually going on in my life, if I can help it. So don’t ever start rumors about me in any capacity, because you will be wrong and I will hear about it, and it will just make me want to tell people the truth about you.
Truths like how you propositioned me while you knew I was in a serious, committed relationship – and while you were living with your then-girlfriend.
Truths like how you think that people are things you can barter – something you tried to do TWICE, though you thought I only knew about the first time.
Truths like how you’re willing to stab anyone in the back if you think it will get you laid.
Truths like how you’re willing to lie for the sole purpose of making others feel bad.
Truths like how you’re a shitty excuse for a person, and how absolutely nobody deserves to have you inflicted on them.
So, please stop reading. Close your browser, go elsewhere, and just leave me alone. Because I am a good person, and don’t deserve this bullshit.
And, kindly fuck off and die.
June 17, 2010
“Finish him. Finish him! YOUR way.”
“Oh, my way. Thank you Vizzini. But… which way is my way?”
“Pick up one of these rocks, and get behind that boulder. In a few moments the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his HEAD is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!”
“Oh. My way is not very sportsmanlike.”
I know. You come here, you see a post entitled “My Way”, and you expect Sinatra from the Jersey girl. However, since that song can apparently get you killed in certain parts of the globe, I thought I’d go with a different reference.
Pretty much all I want is to be left to my own devices, even if someone else thinks that they aren’t the most efficient methods in the universe, unless my own devices are somehow to the detriment of another person. Because odds are, I have reasons for doing things the way I do – good ones, in my estimation. And to be told that those reasons aren’t important isn’t likely to do much besides piss me off.
So. I’m going to do things my way. My track record is decidedly one of positive progress, and I’m pretty sure I’m not hurting anyone, so unless either of those things changes, kindly keep your comments to yourself.
ETA: Oh, dear. I didn’t mean YOUR comments. Not the ones HERE. I meant the OTHER you, the one behind you and slightly to the left. *sigh*.
June 15, 2010
“BTW, your blog productivity has taken a nosedive lately!”
I know. But rest assured, I have been learning all KINDS of fascinating things at work-related meetings and conferences, and coupled with a recent (and temporary, thank GOD) commuting time increase to 3.5 hours each day plus a lack of internet access save on my trusty iPhone, it’s just not been happening.
But you know what’s fun to think about, when you suddenly have 2 more hours of commute with which to think? Why people do the things they do, and if it’s possible to for a person to have absolutely no idea why they’ve really done something?
I think it might be. I kind of hope so.
June 11, 2010
Karma: Yooooooo hooooooo! Anybody home?
DT: YOU! But… it’s been so… oh! This is all your doing!
K: Of course! Remember that thing that you got all indignant and dudgeony about? And the other thing, with all of the judginess?
DT: Yes. Oh… my. Yes, I do.
K: Bwahahahahahahaha. Seriously, this is some of my best work yet. This? Is hilarious. Oh, I slay me!
DT: I’m sure. Okay, okay. I get it. And honestly, this is really well done on your part – have you been working out or something? Learning new techniques? Do they even HAVE CPE classes for what you do?
K: Well, I don’t want to brag, but I have been going to the gym quite a bit. The rest is all my innate brilliance, which I have decided to bestow on you.
DT: Thanks, I guess? Oh. I did have one other question. The sweetgum tree thing – was that you? And if so, what on EARTH did I do to deserve that?
K: Hehehehe. I’ll never tell….
June 10, 2010
I don’t believe in soulmates, at least not in the way that many people seem to. I think that for every person on this planet, there is more than one person to live with, happily, long-term. I think that it’s also true that for every person on this planet, most people could not fill that position. So we’ve got more than one, but a heck of a lot less than every member of the opposite (in my case) gender.
I think this makes it harder. For those who do believe in the notion of a soulmate, they’re disappointed when they realize that nobody fits 100% from the beginning, that you are going to have to do a fair amount work no matter what. Maybe they cling to the notion that someone will be 100%, and they’ll spend too much time focusing on what’s wrong, instead of what’s right. And that’s no fun for anyone.
For those who have the other view, that one looks for someone who’s close enough to 100% to make the work worthwhile, and mostly fun, someone who’s worth risking an “all-in” bet, the danger lies in the other direction – not settling, exactly, but in taking too much of a risk – in thinking that the person will become more of what he or she wants, or that they’ll want what the other doesn’t have, less. The awareness that it’s not going to be perfect can have the unfortunate effect of lowering expectations a little too far.
If anything, the latter has probably been my biggest problem. I’ve been in a couple of serious, long-term relationships where we were both convinced that the little differences wouldn’t really matter so much. I’ve been the one wanting to try just a little harder, for just a little longer, to meet halfway, and I’ve been the one smacked in the face with the realization that I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who will always want me to be a little bit different – and the one who had to convey that realization to someone I still cared about very much.
The great thing about the 98%, whether it works in the long run or not, is that it helps you learn more about yourself and what you really want, than anything else can – putting you both in a much better place to get that much closer to 100 next time.
June 8, 2010
and maybe delivers a tiny little PSA:
1) Guess who has two thumbs and no cancer, for sure (for now)?
2) Jagerbombs are never a good idea. Especially on a Monday.
3) Playing pool (or doing pretty much anything) well is a great way to take your mind to a more positive place. Once you start handling one thing well, no matter how trivial it is, the rest of everything seems a little less daunting, somehow.
4) This does not make me any less apprehensive about the Furniture Assembly Project I have scheduled for this weekend. Regardless of the sweetgum tree’s intentions, I suspect bruising will be involved.
5) I’m stocking up on bubble bath and Viognier. These are always good things to have on hand, when bruising is anticipated.