February 25, 2008
I might, just maybe, have been feeling a little overwrought yesterday. That hasn’t changed my decision – Taggart Transcontinental is closing down this little operation.
Of course, I’m grateful for the people – the insights, the commentary, the snarkful witticisms. Of course. I’ll be doing my best to keep in touch (such as that is).
But much the way Dagny’s railroad stopped being her own, this space stopped being mine. It likely seems otherwise, but I actually don’t like being Darth Vaguer all the time. I want to write about the things that I know, my own way, in my own space. But as many of you know – when people start to read, people you know in the real world, people involved in those places and events – well, nobody’s going to agree with your perspective, every time.
A few have managed to retain a sense of humor about the whole thing – have let me have my perspective, or have my fun slightly distorting a situation (hi, D & J!) for comedic effect, or to make a particular point. Others have been hurt or offended by what I’ve had to say – regardless of whether that was the fault of poor writing on my part, or hypersensitivity on theirs, I heard about it.
Let’s rephrase – the second I started to write my perspective, about situations for which I was and am more than entitled to have a perspective, I was subjected to diatribe. And frankly, if I’m going to take that much heat for what I have to say, it’ll be from the agents and (hopefully) editors to whom I hope to submit a finished manuscript one day.
I wish I could say that I never meant to hurt anyone – I think, maybe once or twice, I did. That was not the case yesterday, and anyone who tries to claim otherwise is, quite frankly, wrong. I will, of course, continue to read the offerings of those who rock (see sidebar for a sampling). But I strongly suspect that I’ll enjoy reclaiming my privacy, as well as the ability to confide only in those whom I trust.
It’s been a lovely journey – but I think it’s time for us to explore different paths. Best of everything to you all. And should you happen to see a rather glum-looking alter ego roaming about, you might offer her some Nutella.
It really does seem to be okay for people to say things to women, that they’d never say to men.
Don’t get me wrong – what was said, was funny. I mean, I laughed at the time, too. And I’m not mad, because the comments were intended to be funny, nobody was trying to hurt my feelings or make the situation wierd.
But the way things worked out, well… . I was the only female eligible to play, on our team, and I’m the only team member who didn’t. I’m also the only team member on the receiving end of the following comments:
(1) Wear a miniskirt?
(2) When’s it my turn?
(3) If he doesn’t start playing better, you might have to give him a blowjob.*
It’s almost worse when one considers that the decision to have certain team members play certain matches was the right one. Everyone chosen to play a match, stood a better chance of winning that particular match than I did.
Like I said – I’m not mad. I’m not even hurt – not in the way that implies the placement of blame for any injury, at least. Just wondering if there’s a point to carrying the cue around, if the best contribution I can make doesn’t involve making shots. The case is kinda bulky, and doesn’t quite go with my ensemble.
*No, seriously. All of this was hilarious taken in the individual context for each comment. No offense was intended, at all – these are good people who really didn’t mean anything by it.
February 22, 2008
So, there’s a guy who falls down a hole. The walls are so steep, he can’t get out on his own.
A doctor walks by, and the man calls to him, “I’m stuck in this hole. Could you help me out?”
The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down the hole, and moves on.
A priest walks by, and the man calls to him, “Father, I’m stuck in this hole. Could you help me out?”
The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down the hole, and moves on.
A friend walks by, and the man calls to him, “Hey, buddy! I’m stuck in this hole, can you help me out?”
The friend jumps into the hole, and the man says, “What’d you do that for? Now we’re both stuck here.”
The friend says, “No, we’re not. I’ve been down here before – I know the way out.”
~ The West Wing – Season Two: “Noel”
Thanks to all of my friends who jumped into the hole with me, and helped me find my own way out – by distracting me, keeping me company, or leaving me be, as I requested. That information I was waiting for? Turned out to be a map so’s I could find my way out.
Thanks again, lovely people. I honestly don’t think I could have done it without you.
February 14, 2008
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
~ C.S. Lewis
I’d like to be able to say that when the chances came my way, I chose to be vulnerable.
And how could I not, where these two are concerned?
Happy Day, everyone!
February 12, 2008
K: Hello there. How goes it?
DT: Isn’t that something you should know?
K: I’m not responsible for everything. Well, most things. But not everything.
DT: So, what – I should go after Eris this time?
K: I couldn’t say, really – out of my bailiwick. Laws of Thermodynamics being what they are, and all. But maybe if we coordinated our efforts, it wouldn’t be so much all at once, so I guess I’m, um. Sorry, if that’s even cosmically possible.
DT: Well, there is Greece.
K: Yes, I’m doing what I can to restore balance – I just don’t know that it’ll happen anytime soon.
DT: Well, as my fabulous ex-roommate says: That which does not kill us, only makes us wish we were dead.
K: Right. Honestly – I didn’t mean for it to get like this. That’s all I’m saying.
DT: That’s both comforting and alarming. But thanks, I guess.