August 20, 2010
Facebook hazard #932
When someone you’ve been friends with for something close to a decade posts a status that reveals views repugnant to you.
Frankly, I’m kinda pissed. I’m not sure at whom, though. At this person, for pretending to tolerance all these years? Or at myself, for ignoring other personality characteristics that would, if acknowledged, allowed me to discern these views and fade the friendship appropriately.
Even worse, part of me suspects that I’m pissed because his views reflect poorly on me. Nobody likes to say, “Oh, yeah, he’s kind of a {misogynist, racist, homophobe, bigot, ignorant asshole who has apparently forgotten how to use the rational parts of our brains that make us human), but he’s otherwise an okay guy, so I’m totally friends with him. Well, maybe some people like to say that. I don’t.
And right now, as I’m thinking of him, I’m thinking of a whole list of things about him that annoy me and make me want to not be his friend anymore. And I wonder if this is the opening of my eyes to the way I’ve always thought about this person, and the whole friendship was a lie, or if it’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Either way, back broken. Now, to unfriend, block, or hide?
August 13, 2010
634 blow jobs in 5 days… I’m really quite tired.
I just have to make it clear that I don’t want to hear about it anymore, I suppose.
Because the notion that I might actually care what thirtysomething versions of Regina George and Gretchen Weiners think of me is patently absurd.
But the notion that people are capable of developing an irrational hatred for you, specifically (not because you are a member of a class or group) is unsettling. And since I can’t do anything about it, I’d just as soon not know.
July 7, 2010
Putting Out
You know what would make me happy? If people took more responsibility for what they put out there.
So if you want me to think you are capable, hardworking, intelligent, and worth my best effort, you should probably do things that are in line with those qualities. And not, say, continually engage in undermine-y, petty behavior. Yes, you are successfully telling me that you don’t like me. But you’re also telling me that you’re not adult or professional enough to work around that, even if I’m the best person to work on a particular task. And when you get all wide-eyed later, and say that you never suggested any such thing, bless my heart, I’m going to call you on it, and recount the ways in which you very much suggested all of those things.
And if you want me to think that you’re a pretty good human person, who is generally respectful of others and worth establishing a friendship with, you should probably do things that support that thesis. For example, you could respect my boundaries, and not try to foist your agenda on me when that agenda clearly conflicts with my boundaries. And when I call you out on it, you could admit to egocentricity and lack of consideration, at the very least.
And I, in turn, should take responsibility for giving the impression that I might be okay with a little foisting, (which I sometimes do by dint of being confrontation-abhorrent). And, remember that for next time, and be less confrontation-abhorrent.
June 28, 2010
Lessons learned
While it is perfectly okay for people to be upfront about horror stories and major concerns about parenthood at a baby shower, being open about one’s lack of desire to partake will most likely have people thinking that something is wrong/missing for you.
Also, if you are building something from Ikea, and have leftover parts at some point prior to being completely finished, just be prepared to undo everything you’ve done so far, because you likely skipped a step.
Pretty much every comedian I’ve ever seen on a recorded special will have been slightly funnier in that special than in person. Jim Gaffigan, however, came closest to closing this gap.
Sometimes, things can seem like the Most Fun and Best Idea Ever. And then three weeks later, with the help of a little critical thinking, you will realize that not only was it not the best idea ever, but it was ridiculously dumb and boy howdy, you expect better of yourself.
Watched pool league operators never call to let you know if you’re going to Vegas or not. I still don’t know.
June 24, 2010
Decisionmaking
“Out of the frying pan and into the fire,” shouted the count, burning himself badly.
If you’re not happy with your situation, you have three main options. You can do absolutely nothing and continue on the Path of Unhappy. You can do something about your situation to make it better. Or, you can remove yourself from that situation entirely.
But you cannot do any two of these things simultaneously, and have an real hope of success. For example, if you quit your job, you cannot also hope to have some positive influence on the way the job is, after you’ve left. You cannot do nothing, and hope to make changes happen. And since removing yourself is, by definition, doing something, you can’t do nothing and remove at the same time.
So my advice is to think about it for as long as you need, but then pick one, and stick with it.
June 21, 2010
Please, Go Away.
Don’t ever think about me again. Don’t ever think about anything that might lead you to think about me again.
Don’t come here and read what I write.
Don’t talk to people I know, and mention my name in an artfully casual manner, just to see what they might have to say.
While we’re at it, don’t say my name at all.
There has been a strong correlation between how much better my life has gotten, with less of you in it. Statisticians be damned, I’m going to go with causation on that one – so stay the fuck away.
You will never, ever, have the foggiest notion of what is actually going on in my life, if I can help it. So don’t ever start rumors about me in any capacity, because you will be wrong and I will hear about it, and it will just make me want to tell people the truth about you.
Truths like how you propositioned me while you knew I was in a serious, committed relationship – and while you were living with your then-girlfriend.
Truths like how you think that people are things you can barter – something you tried to do TWICE, though you thought I only knew about the first time.
Truths like how you’re willing to stab anyone in the back if you think it will get you laid.
Truths like how you’re willing to lie for the sole purpose of making others feel bad.
Truths like how you’re a shitty excuse for a person, and how absolutely nobody deserves to have you inflicted on them.
So, please stop reading. Close your browser, go elsewhere, and just leave me alone. Because I am a good person, and don’t deserve this bullshit.
And, kindly fuck off and die.
June 15, 2010
K’s Choice
“BTW, your blog productivity has taken a nosedive lately!”
I know. But rest assured, I have been learning all KINDS of fascinating things at work-related meetings and conferences, and coupled with a recent (and temporary, thank GOD) commuting time increase to 3.5 hours each day plus a lack of internet access save on my trusty iPhone, it’s just not been happening.
But you know what’s fun to think about, when you suddenly have 2 more hours of commute with which to think? Why people do the things they do, and if it’s possible to for a person to have absolutely no idea why they’ve really done something?
I think it might be. I kind of hope so.
June 11, 2010
In which an old friend stops by
Karma: Yooooooo hooooooo! Anybody home?
DT: YOU! But… it’s been so… oh! This is all your doing!
K: Of course! Remember that thing that you got all indignant and dudgeony about? And the other thing, with all of the judginess?
DT: Yes. Oh… my. Yes, I do.
K: Bwahahahahahahaha. Seriously, this is some of my best work yet. This? Is hilarious. Oh, I slay me!
DT: I’m sure. Okay, okay. I get it. And honestly, this is really well done on your part – have you been working out or something? Learning new techniques? Do they even HAVE CPE classes for what you do?
K: Well, I don’t want to brag, but I have been going to the gym quite a bit. The rest is all my innate brilliance, which I have decided to bestow on you.
DT: Thanks, I guess? Oh. I did have one other question. The sweetgum tree thing – was that you? And if so, what on EARTH did I do to deserve that?
K: Hehehehe. I’ll never tell….
June 3, 2010
Regarding Henry
Am rapidly approaching the point at which I say, “when.”
Because seriouslyjebuseffingcriminyjehosephat.
Excuse me while I go lose my shit.
June 1, 2010
No Judging! Judge-Free Zone! Not to be confused with Snark, which is plentiful.
So, one of my best friends from college (DF) was in town this weekend, and it was totally awesome, for about eighteen billion reasons.
One of these reasons, is that she doesn’t judge. So when I start to experience a little of the Crazy, she hops into my crazy motorcycle’s sidecar and proceeds to guide me through the maze – she’s been there before, she knows the way out.
And so, when the Lady Voldemort reared her ugly head AGAIN, attempting to install herself as the new best friend of someone close to me, DF happily engaged in some damage assessment (which might have involved some online “research”), followed up with exactly the right amount of snark, reassurance, and white wine.
“Well, you know what they say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.”
Seeking John Galt 